3 sex toy legends I’m dying to try

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Magic Wand Original

Magic Wand Original

Magic Wand Original

This behemoth of a massager is the first toy I ever wanted to try. It all started way before it was legal for me to watch porn, before I realized that I might not be straight, before I even experimented with penetration. I was discovering my body, reading everything I could on sex, masturbation and orgasms. That’s how I’ve stumbled upon Betty Dodson’s site (the old version). WOW. The teen me was so impressed. In a matter of days I used Kaaza Lite to download pirated copies of all of her masturbation and orgasm coaching videos I could find. I was fascinated. I vividly remember how the women lost control, trembled, shook and finally trashed under the power of The Hitachi.

I’ve grown up in a culture where sexual pleasure was the domain of men. Men were both the subjects and the objects in the erotic narratives I consumed. The portrayal of women and their sexuality didn’t speak to me so I’ve switched to a strict slash fan fiction diet. Probably that’s why no matter how much I’ve read on the great sexual potential of women it didn’t ring true. Until I’ve seen those videos. Then I got it. Loud (with headphones) and clear.

If I lived in the US Magic Wand would have been my first sex toy. As it happened, living in Poland, in the beginning of the new millennium, long before the Silicone Revolution and on a very limited budget of a high schooler who doesn’t get regular pocket money, I choose another staple. A jelly rabbit. And I liked it. I liked it a lot. It made my orgasms more intense and got me comfortable with penetration. But later it came about that it was a double agent working with yeast and other hostile agents to cause mayhem and overthrow the established lactobacillus cultures in the down under.

Since this time I’ve tried 3 wand-style massagers, 2 of them corded. I’ve liked them, but to a degree. The power is good, but nothing earth-shattering. The durability is very poor. As much as I love tease and denial, it stops being fun when it’s provided not by your hot girlfriend but by a temperamental toy. From reading comparison reviews of what I have and The Wand I know that it’s not my clit. It’s them. I’m done with the imitations. I want the real thing. NOW.

Recently I came very close to fulfilling that dream. I was contacted by the lovely people from Maxi Wand. They are an authorized distributor of the Magic Wand Original – it’s their job to make sure you get the good stuff and not an under-powered, shorting out or overheating fake. I got very excited! I could almost feel the brutal, demanding thud of the Wand on my genitals. I fantasized about those tease and denial sessions with my girlfriend where the only thing I can utter is a shaky “May I please come, Miss?”. When I got my period I popped the pills massaging my tummy and whispering “Soon, soon.”1 Unfortunately, them being an official distributor meant that they have to obey the rules. That means no wands in Europe. I’ve heard of many people using the wand with the 230V adapter and not one person getting shocked. But them’s the rules. Eh, I’ll get mine sometime.

Meanwhile there is also a UK version of the Wand. It’s called UK Wand and retails for £79.95, UK shipping included. As I’m updating this, there is £20 limited time discount, so hurry up ;) Just like the Original it has 2 speeds but the creators also added 8 patterns. That’s why the standard switch is replaced by a two button (next and on/off) control. It can be ordered through the official UK Wand website.

The Eroscillator

Eroscillator in purple as opposed to the traditional copper.

Eroscillator in purple as opposed to the traditional copper.

Eroscillator is a big, industrial looking, mains-powered clit toy just like the Magic Wand. However that’s where the similarities end. Where the Wand is broad the Eroscillator is pin-point. Where one is powerful the other is subtle and made for prolonged stimulation. The unique and patented oscillating motion was inspired by the oh so common sexual misuse of electric toothbrushes.

The main reason I want it is that unlike other vibrators it doesn’t cause a temporary clitoral numbness associated with other powerful vibrators. My libido tends to fluctuate a lot, mainly around my menstrual cycle. I either want to play all the time or I couldn’t be bothered for more than a 5 minute quickie orgasm to help me sleep. During those binges I spend a lot of the time masturbating with strong clitoral vibrators, which takes a toll on my clit. When I initiate sex with my girlfriend, I’m much less likely to come from her mouth alone if a short couple of hours ago I was using my Comfort Massager. It still feels great, and if I add anal and vaginal penetration or switch to a vibe I can get where I want. But it makes me wonder how would it be if my response was heightened instead of dampened, without having to give up my solo orgasms and without switching to my fingers (and losing about 80% of the pleasure).

Plus, from the type of stimulation my girlfriend enjoys, where a single finger on the clitoris can only be surpassed by the We-Vibe bullets, I think the Eroscillator would be great for her too. And it would put an end to the “Why is the Tango not charged?” ongoing argument. 2

The Pure Wand

Pure Wand by N-Joy

Pure Wand by N-Joy

While the previous toys were all about the external, this one is a g-spotting power tool. And unlike the two above, it’s beautiful. The slick, shiny stainless steel promises an effortless glide while the sharp curve taunts with punishingly intense stimulation. It’s touted as the best and most effective squirting tool. I want it.

So far I’ve found out that penetration-wise I prefer glass to shiny silicone to matte one. The less drag the better, at least when it comes to how easily and quickly I can get into the swing of things. I still love the Fun Factory Bouncer and the Stronic Zwei, but that’s also because their curves are gentle, so even hard thrusting with the former rocks but doesn’t jar. However for a very long time my favourite dildo was the Amethyst g-spotter. I loved the focus, the intensity… until it became too little. I got comfortable with penetration and now it’s only good for the first orgasm. After that it doesn’t feel substantial or extreme enough.

Runner-ups

Of course those three are not the only toys I dream of trying. Vixen Creations tempts me with the tales of the softness of their VixSkin double layer silicone. Bad Dragon arouses me with their exotic designs that would go so well with the porn I’m recently enjoying. Mathew Healy makes me crave his unique and magnificent glass artistry. Ah, what a wonderful, yet painful time to be a sex toy aficionado.

Please note that while this post was sponsored by Maxiwand, all the contained opinions and endorsements are mine.

  1. Only orgasms from big massagers chase my cramps away as effectively as (but far more promptly then) Ibuprofen.
  2. While the battery life of the Tango is much improved, we are still a pair of lazy pants who always forget to put things in order after we finish using them. Just ask my tablet when was the last time it ate. I don’t know how our chinchillas stay so chubby.

HedoVibes Round Up #83

IMG_1830-e1426568879198-470x260Photo courtesy of I, Kinkster

Welcome to HedoVibes, a collection of reviews and giveaways that were posted in the past week or so from around the web. This is a collection of adult product reviews & contests from real reviewers. If you want to be included in the next edition start with the guidelines, then use the submission form.

Want to read more reviews? Check out HedoVibes for a list of the latest reviews and stellar reviewers. You can also follow on twitter for the latest round ups. HedoVibes is also accepting photo submissions for each edition.

CONTESTS

DILDOS

VIBRATORS

ANAL TOYS

RINGS & STROKERS

LUBES & CONDOMS

STORAGE & FURNITURE

MISCELLANEOUS

hedo150

 

Why we do what we do?

The answer may seem obvious to you: “who wouldn’t want to get free sex toys?”. After all it’s not like those products are cheap. In comparison with other goods produced on a similar scale, with comparable material costs and electronic sophistication they are usually really, really expensive. Just think about any simple electronic appliance that has one basic motor, a switch with a few options and is connected to a source of power (battery or wall socket). How much do you expect to pay for it? And now try to find a good sex toy in this range.

I won’t lie: the shame tax on sex toys makes them expensive enough that it would be difficult for us to buy everything we own by ourselves. And yet… it’s just a tiny part of the answer. If you factor in our monetary investments in the website, hours and effort we spend on writing and advertising (not to mention testing toys we don’t like) and compare it with the value of the goods we have so far received – it would make a better sense business wise to get a second job.

The real answer is we care about  sex and pleasure education. Every time someone ends up literally burned by a sex toy, every time a woman thinks she’s broken because she can’t get off the Hollywood way, every time someone ends up in the ER with a slimline vibrator stuck up their rectum there is suffering that could be so easily prevented. I remember how during our never ending talks Caramel asked me why I wrote my Polish website on female masturbation. I couldn’t find the right words to express what I was feeling. I talked a bit about the safety advice but felt there was something huge missing. Then she told me: “you simply can’t stand a woman being unable to ever come”.  She got it! Granted – it was a simplification – an orgasm isn’t the most important thing about sexual pleasure, but so frequently the lack of it is a symptom of sexual misinformation and disconnect.

I review because toys can be fantastic and life-changing. They can also be disappointing and  harmful. And sometimes it takes just one bad experience for someone to give up on them. I’m a sex toy geek. I want to know which product is stronger, which is squishier, which has more settings even if it’s something I don’t have the anatomy to enjoy. I’d like to think I have the knowledge. However,I don’t think others should have to be like me. People deserve great toys even when they don’t want to spend hours researching.

So I’m either on a selfless mission for sex education or want to make you come as hard as I can while still saying monogamous with my girlfriend.